#98: BLOOD SIMPLE (1984)

 

THRILL SCALE 1-10

8

HAVE I SEEN IT BEFORE?

No, first time

BEST SEQUENCE

A mid-movie scene that takes place on and beside a dark, deserted road.

BEST LINE

“I got a job for you.”

“Uh, well, if the pay's right, and it's legal, I'll do it.”

“It's not strictly legal.”

“Well, if the pay’s right, I’ll do it.”

ROTTEN TOMATOES SCORE

94%

ROTTEN TOMATOES CRITICS CONSENSUS

“Brutally violent and shockingly funny in equal measure, Blood Simple offers early evidence of the Coen Brothers' twisted sensibilities and filmmaking ingenuity.”

IMDB SYNOPSIS

“The owner of a seedy small-town Texas bar discovers that one of his employees is having an affair with his wife. A chaotic chain of misunderstandings, lies and mischief ensues.”

THOUGHTS

• If it wasn’t obvious from my deliberately vague description of my favourite scene, this is one of those times when I’m going to avoid giving away too much of this movie. It twists and it turns, and I was very glad I got the chance to watch it entirely unspoiled. I really knew next to nothing going into it, and it caught me off guard more than once. In fact, I slightly modified the IMDB synopsis above because it gave away just a little too much. Although “mischief” is a weird word to use, IMDB, it makes it sound like they decide to egg each other’s houses. Things get considerably darker than that.
• This is a movie about regular people making dangerous choices based on the information available to them. However, unbeknownst to them, the information available never ever provides the full picture. The intricate part of the plot is that this is never really anyone’s fault. If I was in some of these situations, seeing the evidence and the things these characters were seeing, I’d probably jump to some of the same conclusions (if not follow through on the same courses of action)
• Great cast. You’ve got Frances McDormand in her first film role (by the way, see her in Nomadland this year, she’s great in it). You’ve got Dan Hedaya, possibly best known as Cher’s dad from Clueless, entirely loathsome in this. And you’ve got John Getz, who I don’t recognize from anything else, but he conveys a lot in very few words.
• Best of all, though, is M. Emmet Walsh playing a real piece of shit. He speaks in a whiny Southern drawl that pretty much lets you know he’s a piece of shit before he even starts acting like one (although that doesn’t take very long at all).
• The score is effectively moody and sparse, but my favourite musical component was the repeated use of “It’s the Same Old Song” by The Four Tops, especially as an end credits needle drop after a pretty intense climax and a great final line. Ashley and I have been humming it all week.

• Some very effective lighting effects and camera movements
• For years now, I’ve considered the Coens’ Fargo as one of my all-time favourite movies, and it certainly shares DNA with this one, the first movie the Coens ever made. Fargo is set in snowy Minnesota, Blood Simple in sweaty small-town Texas, but they’re both about normal people making dangerous choices, getting in over their heads, and ultimately dealing with the consequences in one way or another. Not to mention that they both star Frances McDormand, although in very different roles. While Fargo does have some thrilling scenes of its own, Blood Simple is probably the more thrilling of the two, and I can definitely see myself coming back to it.

Up next: #97 on the list, Safety Last!, a silent romantic comedy from 1923. I haven’t seen it, and I’m really not sure what to expect in terms of thrills, but I suspect this movie is included because of the bonkers physical stunts that some of those old silent movies featured. This one is best known for a scene in which the main character dangles from the hands of a giant clock on the outside of a skyscraper

#99: SPEED (1994)

 

THRILL SCALE 1-10

9

HAVE I SEEN IT BEFORE?

Yes, a few times

BEST SEQUENCE

If I have to choose, the early part where Keanu chases after the bus and jumps onto it, but really, the entire middle hour of this movie is a glorious thrill ride that just won’t quit

BEST LINE

“Pop quiz, hotshot” - Choosing this because it’s a line that I say frequently myself, and for years I didn’t even know what it was from. In truth, I may have first picked it up from the Leslie Nielsen movie Spy Hard, which has a Speed parody scene and also includes this line and is a really terrible movie.

ROTTEN TOMATOES SCORE

94%

ROTTEN TOMATOES CRITICS CONSENSUS

“A terrific popcorn thriller, Speed is taut, tense, and energetic, with outstanding performances from Keanu Reeves, Dennis Hopper, and Sandra Bullock.”

IMDB SYNOPSIS

“A young police officer must prevent a bomb exploding aboard a city bus by keeping its speed above 50 mph.”

THOUGHTS

• Let’s cut to the chase. As mentioned above, I think the middle hour of this movie, everything that happens on “the bus that couldn’t slow down,” is perfect. If that was all this movie consisted of, I’d happily give it a 10/10 on the Thrill Scale. The driving stunts are some of the best I’ve seen, and I whole-heartedly buy into the escalating series of events.
• The AFI put this at number 99 on their list, but I really think it deserves a higher placement, maybe even in the top 20.
• Do some of the events strain credulity? Sure. But you don’t have enough TIME to stop and question anything! Buckle in and just enjoy the ride. And I’m being extra picky here in even pointing this out, I’ve never watched this movie and scoffed in disbelief. I just grin in delight.
• When you boil a movie like this down to a one-sentence description, you sell it short. I mean, essentially yes, this movie is about a bus that can’t slow down or it will explode. But the fun part is in what the movie does with this bus! The filmmakers thoroughly explored the potential of this scenario in a way that makes sense to me and leaves me satisfied with the situations they chose to throw at this bus. I also think the pacing is top-notch.
• Keanu Reeves doesn’t bring a ton of personality to his role, but I think that’s perfectly fine - it’s not needed. He sells the action, performs some pretty impressive stunts, and hey, he’s not too hard on the eyes either!
• Besides, we’ve got Dennis Hopper and Sandra Bullock for personality. Hopper is cocky and crazed, with some great line deliveries, and Bullock is cute and capable, with some very 90s frilly socks.
• We’ve also got some familiar faces playing passengers on the bus, including Alan Ruck (Cameron from Ferris Bueller) and, much to my delight, an actress named Beth Grant, who I recognized from the Dinner Party episode of The Office, in which she played Dwight’s former babysitter/current dinner party date (“Purely carnal. That’s all you need to know.”)
• So why, oh why, does this movie only get a 9/10 on the Thrill Scale? Well, the bookends of this movie, the first half hour and the last half hour, just can’t compare to what comes between them. And the thing is, these set pieces are fine! Like I don’t think they’re awful, they just pale in comparison to the impeccable middle hour. Am I being too harsh in dropping this movie down on the Thrill Scale just because the middle section is an act that can’t be topped? Maybe. But you know what they say, life isn’t...fare…
• And on that note, I shall leave you with Ashley’s one-sentence review: “Speed: You can tap on but you can’t tap out”

Up next: #98 on the list, the Coen Brothers’ first movie, Blood Simple. Despite being a big fan of the Coens, this is one I’ve never seen, so I’m looking forward to it!

#100-B: ROBIN HOOD: PRINCE OF THIEVES (1991) & ROBIN HOOD: MEN IN TIGHTS (1993) & DISNEY’S ROBIN HOOD (1973)

 

ROBIN HOOD: PRINCE OF THIEVES (1991)

THRILL SCALE 1-10

5

HAVE I SEEN IT BEFORE?

No, first time watching it

BEST SEQUENCE

The execution rescue scene

BEST LINE

“Locksley! I’m going to cut your heart out with a spoon!” - The Sheriff of Nottingham, with a pretty good threat

ROTTEN TOMATOES SCORE

51%

ROTTEN TOMATOES CRITICS CONSENSUS

“Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves brings a wonderfully villainous Alan Rickman to this oft-adapted tale, but he's robbed by big-budget bombast and a muddled screenplay.”

IMDB SYNOPSIS

“When Robin and his Moorish companion come to England and the tyranny of the Sheriff of Nottingham, he decides to fight back as an outlaw.”

THOUGHTS

• Well, let’s get it out of the way. Kevin Costner, as Robin Hood, is really bad in this. Most famously, he was ripped apart for his English accent, and it really is quite terrible, especially since you can tell that in some scenes there was an unsuccessful attempt. More importantly for me, though, he’s just so incredibly boring in this movie in general. He’s a black hole of charisma, and you’d think an outlaw leader living in a treehouse town would be having a little more fun, but he really isn’t interesting to watch.
• I’m not sure why, but I feel like I’ve always had an affection for Kevin Costner, despite not having seen him in much. I think he’s good in The Untouchables, and at some point in my life I’ve seen Field of Dreams and Bull Durham, and that’s about it. Thinking about those movies, Kevin Costner is maybe just a boring actor and that’s his range? It works in The Untouchables because that’s the character’s whole deal, but come on, Robin Hood needs a little more pep.
• Alan Rickman as the Sheriff, on the other hand, you can tell he’s having a good time, and that was generally the critical consensus. But in my opinion, he’s fine. Sure, he’s more interesting than Kevin Costner. But he doesn’t make this movie worth watching.
• He got more and more unhinged towards the end of the movie, but at the beginning I got distinct Hans Gruber vibes. If I want to get Hans Gruber vibes, though, I’m just going to watch Die Hard (a movie that we’ll be talking about in full a little later, and I can’t wait)
• The rest of the cast is also pretty much fine, with some more inconsistent accents. Christian Slater and Morgan Freeman pretty much sound like Christian Slater and Morgan Freeman. Respectively, I mean, they didn’t swap voices or anything, although I do think that would look and sound hilarious.
• The first half of the movie is terribly dull. I’m fairly certain Robin doesn’t even shoot an arrow until minute 56
• There are a couple of good action scenes in the back half of the movie - the Sheriff attacks Robin’s hideout, burning it down, and that’s pretty thrilling. As well, as mentioned above, the climactic sequence in which Robin saves a group of his men from hanging is pretty effective. Nice to finally be able to say that the climax of a movie is the best part, especially after most of the Marvel movies left me a little cold

ROBIN HOOD: MEN IN TIGHTS (1993)

THRILL SCALE 1-10

4

HAVE I SEEN IT BEFORE?

Yes, but it’s probably been 20+ years

BEST SEQUENCE

Little hard to choose a best sequence in a movie like this, but I’ll go with the rapid-fire gags in the training montage.

BEST LINE

“Because, unlike some other Robin Hoods, I can speak with an English accent.” - Robin, explaining why the people of England will follow him

ROTTEN TOMATOES SCORE

40%

ROTTEN TOMATOES CRITICS CONSENSUS

“Undisciplined, scatological, profoundly silly, and often utterly groan-worthy, Robin Hood: Men in Tights still has an amiable, anything-goes goofiness that has made it a cult favorite.”

IMDB SYNOPSIS

“A spoof of Robin Hood in general, and Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991) in particular.”

THOUGHTS

• Fun fact, Mel Brooks has not directed a movie since 1995 when he directed Dracula: Dead and Loving It. Robin Hood was the second-last movie he directed, and we can be honest, this is not peak Mel Brooks
• But did I have fun? Sure. More fun than I had watching the movie this was directly parodying
• I love Cary Elwes. He was clearly having a ball in this, and he’s actually pretty good at sword fighting, as we’ve seen in The Princess Bride, leading to this having a higher-than-expected Thrill Score!
• Richard Lewis as Prince John and Roger Rees as the Sheriff are also pretty fun! Slimy and sleazy
• All of these live-action Robin Hood movies include a scene where someone gets whacked on the butt with the broad side of a sword. Was sword spanking actually a thing?! Let me know, all you medieval scholars, and put your research to good use
• Jokes that flew miles over my head when I was a pre-teen:
• When trying to rouse the troops Robin makes an attempt at an inspiring speech by emulating Winston Churchill. This falls flat, so Dave Chappelle puts on some Malcolm X glasses and actually succeeds. Definitely would not have recognized the references, and especially the glasses.
• There is an attempt to assassinate Robin, in which a sniper hides out in a tower to shoot Robin with a crossbow. There’s a sign in the tower which reads “Royal Folio Depository,” referencing the fact that Lee Harvey Oswald shot JFK from the Texas School Book Depository.
• And yeah, Dave Chappelle was in this movie, in his film debut!
• And finally, a couple more lines that made me laugh:
• Isaac Hayes, as Asneeze, describing his son, Ahchoo: “He is in need of guidance. He is headstrong and cocksure. Or is it the other way around?”
• Robin’s servant, Blinkin, presenting Robin with a gift left to him by his late father: “Your father wanted me to give you this. He said that inside is the key to the greatest treasure in all the land...May I keep it?”

ROBIN HOOD (1973)

THRILL SCALE 1-10

4

HAVE I SEEN IT BEFORE?

Yes, but it’s been even longer, 25+ years

BEST SEQUENCE

The Phony King of England song

BEST LINE

“You heard his mightiness, move it, creepy, get lost. Begone, long one.” - Little John, in disguise, shooing away Sir Hiss

ROTTEN TOMATOES SCORE

54%

ROTTEN TOMATOES CRITICS CONSENSUS

“One of the weaker Disney adaptations, Robin Hood is cute and colorful but lacks the majesty and excitement of the studio's earlier efforts.”

IMDB SYNOPSIS

“The story of the legendary British outlaw is portrayed with the characters as humanoid animals.”

THOUGHTS

• I liked it! Fun voice acting, appealing characters, and nice animation and scenery.
• He’s a very prolific and famous actor, but I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Peter Ustinov in anything else. He plays Prince John the lion in this and he’s hilarious!
• I always had it in my head that Little John in this and Baloo from The Jungle Book were portrayed as the same bear. Phil Harris voiced both, but nope, they’re definitely different bears. Little John is brown and Baloo is grey
• I had the same idea about Sir Hiss from this and Kaa from The Jungle Book. They’re even further removed, though. Different voice actors and different appearance, although they do both hypnotize people with their eyes.
• At some point, practically every character in this movie says “oo-de-lally,” to the extent that I started to wonder if it was actually an expression from medieval England, but nah, apparently it was popularized in the 1950s. So much for verisimilitude.
• Also, multiple characters refer to the Sheriff as “bushel-britches” which is such an oddly specific thing to say more than once.
• Another pretty good escape scene as a climax!

And now, time to compare all four Robin Hood movies I watched!

Best Robin Hood: Errol Flynn in The Adventures of Robin Hood

Best Maid Marian: Olivia de Havilland in The Adventures of Robin Hood

Best Prince John: It's a tie! Claude Rains in The Adventures of Robin Hood, Peter Ustinov in Disney, and Richard Lewis in Robin Hood: Men in Tights, I like them all. But Prince John isn’t even a character in Prince of Thieves!

Best Sheriff of Nottingham: Alan Rickman in Prince of Thieves

Best Little John: Phil Harris in Disney

Best Friar Tuck: Mel Brooks as Rabbi Tuckman in Robin Hood: Men in Tights

Best romance between Robin and Maid Marian: Disney

Best Action: The Adventures of Robin Hood. If I could go back, I might even bump that Thrill Score up to a 7/10, but I shall try my best not to change scores after they’re decided

Up next: Speed! And spoiler alert, for the first time we’ll be talking about a movie that I think should be much, much higher up on the list!