#58: THE BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI (1957)

THRILL SCALE 1-10

10

HAVE I SEEN IT BEFORE?

No, first time

BEST SEQUENCE

The last 15 minutes

BEST LINE

"One day the war will be over, and I hope the people who use this bridge in years to come will remember how it was built, and who built it"

ROTTEN TOMATOES SCORE

96%

ROTTEN TOMATOES CRITICS CONSENSUS

"This complex war epic asks hard questions, resists easy answers, and boasts career-defining work from star Alec Guinness and director David Lean."

IMDB SYNOPSIS

"British POWs are forced to build a railway bridge across the river Kwai for their Japanese captors in occupied Burma, not knowing that the allied forces are planning a daring commando raid through the jungle to destroy it."

DIRECTOR

David Lean

MAIN CAST

Alec Guinness, William Holden, Sessue Hayakawa, Jack Hawkins

THOUGHTS

• This film is impeccable. It was already sitting around a 9.5 for most of its runtime, and then the climax just clinched it. This is the highest rating I've given a war movie so far, and it's also the first 10/10 I've given to a movie I haven't seen before, a fact that's very exciting for me and probably less so for anyone reading this
• And I'll admit, I wasn't even looking forward to it, somewhat scared off by its long runtime (2 hours and 41 minutes). However, I was captivated from start to finish. I even stopped it with an hour left, planning on finishing it the next day, but then I changed my mind. I had to see how it ended. Side note, and a little peek behind the curtain, you can tell how much I liked this movie because I just watched it last night and I'm already writing this review. When I'm not that excited to write about a movie, I tend to drag my feet a little more
• The word that kept coming to mind was "nuanced". Every single character in this movie has depth and shades of grey to their actions and their motivations. Even the camp commandant, Colonel Saito played by Sessue Hayakawa. We don't necessarily go so far as feeling sympathy towards him, but we do come to understand his situation
• Alec Guinness is perfect in this as Colonel Nicholson, the commanding officer of the British POWs. Early in the movie I thought it might be more clichéd than it is, more focused on Nicholson's utter Britishness, stiff upper lip and all that, but Guinness's performance is, again, incredibly nuanced. His battle of wills with Saito makes for a gripping first part of the movie, and it's important that we see how much he's willing to suffer to stand by his principles. For most people these days Guinness would be most associated with Obi-Wan Kenobi, an iconic role, to be sure, but I think I'm going to most associate him with River Kwai from now on. It's a remarkable role, and a marvellous performance
• At the risk of sounding hackneyed, so much of this movie's impact comes from the fact that it's not really about the bridge, but it's about what the bridge represents. As just a bridge, a way to get from one side of the river to the other, it can't be denied that Nicholson is collaborating with the enemy. However, it's not just a bridge to Nicholson. It's a statement. It's a way of making an impact on the world. It's a reason to continue to survive in the hellish conditions of the camp. It's this complexity that makes the climax so powerful
• I might be giving short shrift to William Holden, the actual top-billed actor (I adjusted the cast order based on my opinion of importance), but Holden is also very good and he does come more into prominence in the second half of the movie. Guinness is the real standout, however, and the Academy felt the same way - Guinness won the Oscar for Best Actor, Holden wasn't even nominated
• River Kwai won seven Oscars out of eight nominations - Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Screenplay, Best Cinematography, Best Film Editing, and Best Original Score. The last nomination was for Best Supporting Actor for Sessue Hayakawa, and it's a shame he didn't win as well, because I thought he was excellent
• There are some definite similarities between this movie and The Great Escape, one of my favourites, and the AFI's 19th most thrilling movie of all time. Both movies are set in WWII POW camps, with the prisoners as the protagonists, and they even have a shared cast member - James Donald has a prominent role in both. Admittedly, the war movies I've seen have all been from a Western point of view. I'd be curious to hear any recommendations for war movies without American or British protagonists
• It may not have the most thrilling moments of any movie I've watched, and some people might even think I'm being generous with the 10/10, but the complexity of the characters and the layers of motivation mean that all of the events in this movie really, really matter to not just us, but also the characters in the film. All of the action that transpires has a huge impact and gravity in a way that more gunfights, or more violence simply wouldn't improve
• Finally, the score is great, but musically this movie is probably best known for the whistled refrain of the "Colonel Bogey March". Coincidentally, two reviews in a row, we now turn to The Simpsons. This won't be a regular feature, especially since I don't want to crib from an excellent movie podcast, Unspooled, which includes talk of Simpsons references, but you might recognize the "Colonel Bogey March" a little better if we add some lyrics: "Lisa, her teeth are big and green!"
  
  

Up next: All the President's Men, from 1976. It's time for some political intrigue

#59: PLANET OF THE APES (1968)

THRILL SCALE 1-10

2.5

HAVE I SEEN IT BEFORE?

Yes, once, a long time ago. I think in high school

BEST SEQUENCE

Oh, probably the final scene, I suppose

BEST LINE

"Take yer stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape!"

ROTTEN TOMATOES SCORE

86%

ROTTEN TOMATOES CRITICS CONSENSUS

"Planet of the Apes raises thought-provoking questions about our culture without letting social commentary get in the way of the drama and action."

IMDB SYNOPSIS

"An astronaut crew crash-lands on a planet where highly intelligent non-human ape species are dominant and humans are enslaved."

DIRECTOR

Franklin J. Schaffner

MAIN CAST

Charlton Heston, Roddy McDowall, Kim Hunter, Maurice Evans

THOUGHTS

• Well, it's another seminal and important work of science fiction, and I'm sure it has many, many fans out there, but I can't help it, I just think it's incredibly boring. Perhaps this is another case of a movie that works best upon first viewing, but I don't remember liking it that much the first time I saw it either; at the very least, I didn't like it enough to justify a rewatch within the last 20 years or so
• The apes, of course, are the main attraction, but in some ways I preferred the earlier parts of the movie, when the astronauts were exploring this "unfamiliar" (wink, wink) planet. In fact, we don't even see an ape until minute 32. At the time, the ape makeup effects were groundbreaking, even winning an honorary Oscar (makeup wasn't its own category back then). In some ways the prosthetics were quite well done - the eyes and brows, especially, are very expressive. The mouths and lips, though, not so much. Some unconvincing moments, especially when the apes are talking. And let me tell you, you haven't lived until you've seen two actors in ape prosthetics kiss by just smushing their rubber, immobile lips into each other
• Some stunning scenery, filmed in northern Arizona, near the Grand Canyon. It does indeed look very otherworldly
• Great music, by a composer I've complimented already, Jerry Goldsmith - he also scored Poltergeist and The Omen, and this isn't even the last time he'll be mentioned. I never knew I had such an appreciation for Goldsmith's work, and I'm impressed how all of his scores are distinct and perfectly suited for their movies. His music for Planet of the Apes is spookily avant-garde and alien-like, the perfect complement to what's onscreen
• Charlton Heston is overacting like his life depends on it, but he does give us some very memorable line readings. Aside from the one mentioned above, you've got other classics like "It's a mad house! A MAD HOUSE!" and "You cut up his brain, you bloody baboon!" and, of course, "You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!"
• Unbeknownst to me, this movie also gave us one of my favourite reaction gifs, Charlton Heston laughing uproariously. It's even better with the sound:

• Incidentally, that clip is also a good example of some kind of odd, or maybe just ham-fisted, directorial choices that can be seen throughout the movie - there are a lot of those really dramatic, fairly unnecessary, sudden zooms
• Finally, it's appropriate that Planet of the Apes happened to come after all of the M. Night Shyamalan movies, because it also contains a pretty famous twist ending. Spoiler alert, and in the words of The Simpsons (which probably already spoiled this for most of you, anyway): "Oh my God, I was wrong! It was Earth all along!" It's a serviceable twist ending, but man, you need to be relying on some real sci-fi movie logic for it to make any sense as a twist, especially if we're talking about the fact that it's meant to come as a complete surprise to Charlton Heston's astronaut main character. The fact that Heston lands on what he believes to be an alien planet, which is populated not only by humans, and not only by horses, and not only by apes, but also apes who speak English, and yet he doesn't consider the possibility that this planet actually being Earth is the only logical explanation for all of this, that takes some real mental gymnastics (although the idea that after 2000 years away from Earth the apes would be speaking the exact same style of English as Heston, that they'd even be able to understand each other at all, that's a whole 'nother can of worms)

Up next: Planet of the Apes was adapted from a story by French author Pierre Boulle, best known for two novels that were turned into movies, and funnily enough the other adaptation is up next on the list (also funnily enough, they're very different genres). It's the 1957 epic war film The Bridge on the River Kwai

60-F: THE LAST AIRBENDER (2010)

THRILL SCALE 1-10

2

HAVE I SEEN IT BEFORE?

Never

BEST SEQUENCE

The fight in the Earthbender village

BEST LINE

None worth mentioning

ROTTEN TOMATOES SCORE

5%

ROTTEN TOMATOES CRITICS CONSENSUS

"The Last Airbender squanders its popular source material with incomprehensible plotting, horrible acting, and detached joyless direction."

IMDB SYNOPSIS

"Aang, a young successor to a long line of Avatars, must master all four elements and stop the Fire Nation from enslaving the Water Tribes and the Earth Kingdom."

DIRECTOR

M. Night Shyamalan

MAIN CAST

Noah Ringer, Dev Patel, Nicola Peltz, Jackson Rathbone, Shaun Toub, Aasif Mandvi

THOUGHTS

• This is pretty unanimously considered M. Night Shyamalan's worst movie, and it must have the lowest score on Rotten Tomatoes of any movie that I've reviewed so far. Is it good? Absolutely not. Is it bad? Certainly. HOWEVER...is it the worst movie that I've ever seen? No, it isn't. Believe it or not, this isn't even the lowest score I've given out, an honour that goes to The Day the Earth Stood Still (1.5 on the Thrill Scale), and I stand by that. The Last Airbender is a severely flawed movie, and I'll never watch it again, but it still brought me a modicum of entertainment
• Based on its reputation, I went into this movie so prepared to despise it that it even made me second-guess myself when I just...didn't. It's not good, but if anything I felt apathy more than hatred. This is a good time to mention, however, what might be the real crux of the matter for many people - I have never seen a single episode of the TV show Avatar: The Last Airbender. If the movie pales in comparison to the beloved TV show (and I understand that it does), then I can also understand the level of scorn it received from fans of the source material
• And an egregious amount of whitewashing when it came to the casting, which is also always worthy of scorn
• Speaking of the cast, the acting is all pretty bad, hammy and overblown, but I've mentioned this a few times already about Shyamalan's movies so I'm inclined to blame it mostly on the script and the directing. Incidentally, this was Dev Patel's immediate follow-up to Slumdog Millionaire, so I'm sure he thanks his lucky stars he bounced back from this one
• On the other hand, we have Noah Ringer, who played Aang. His film career lasted a grand total of two movies - after The Last Airbender he was in Cowboys & Aliens, another movie I haven't seen, and literally nothing else since then - no movies, no TV shows, no short films. And I'm not saying he's a great talent who deserved to be in more things, he has pretty awful screen presence and line delivery, but hey, it's not like he cast himself! Someone else made that call, partly because he was a young kid who was pretty accomplished at Taekwondo, and I have to say, in terms of physicality I thought he was pretty good! For the most part he sold the action for me
• Because (again, believe it or not), I actually thought some of the action scenes were pretty decent! Me, of all people, the guy who hates CGI! It's true, though, I thought the element bending special effects were pretty cool at times, and that's what gets this movie a 2/10. The whole climax is a mess, though, and also at the time of release the 3D conversion was decried as ineffectual and awful; this wasn't a factor for me watching it on my TV at home, however
• Ultimately, my main takeaway after watching the movie is that I should maybe give the TV show a chance, knowing how loved it is and having been somewhat intrigued by the lore and the setting. To close out, I'm going to drop one more bombshell on you - there's perhaps an argument to be made that I hated The Village even more than The Last Airbender, at least when taking these viewings into consideration. There's certainly more craft that went into the making of The Village, but I literally yelled at the TV while watching The Village; I didn't for Airbender. Perhaps in some ways apathy is a worse reaction to have to a movie than anger, but I don't know...Airbender didn't have "I'll cry quarts"

Up next: M. Night, it's been a slice, and I'm sorry we couldn't get to all of your movies (but maybe someday I'll polish off the remainders). We shall draw our Shyamalan side quest to a close, however, and head back into the AFI list proper. It's Planet of the Apes, the original from 1968