#42-B: CONAN THE BARBARIAN (1982)

THRILL SCALE 1-10

6.5

HAVE I SEEN IT BEFORE?

Never

BEST SEQUENCE

I'm going to choose a few parts that are snake-related. Conan fighting and beheading a giant snake, Thulsa Doom morphing into a giant snake, even the way that Thulsa Doom is able to use a bow to shoot snakes like they were arrows. And the giant snake special effects are actually pretty good!

BEST LINE

"Conan! What is best in life?"

"To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women"

ROTTEN TOMATOES SCORE

67%

ROTTEN TOMATOES CRITICS CONSENSUS

"Though Conan may take itself too seriously for some, this adventure film about a former slave seeking vengeance is full of quotable Schwarzenegger lines and gritty action."

IMDB SYNOPSIS

"A powerful warrior seeks to avenge the genocide of his people and the murder of his parents at the hands of a snake cult."

DIRECTOR

John Milius

MAIN CAST

Arnold Schwarzenegger, James Earl Jones, Sandahl Bergman, Gerry Lopez, Max von Sydow, Mako Iwamatsu

THOUGHTS

• It's silly as hell, but honestly, this movie's a lot of fun and it's not afraid to get bloody. A lot of beheadings!
• I like Schwarzenegger as an action star, I even like him as an actor, but you can definitely see why Conan and the Terminator were his first big breakout roles. Not much dialogue needed, not even much acting required, he really just had to look impossibly big and muscular and physically imposing
• Schwarzenegger's next big hit after Conan and The Terminator was Commando, another movie that I haven't seen, but I probably will someday
• Admittedly I've never been any good at being able to tell when people are wearing wigs in movies or when it's real hair, but I just have to assume that the long, flowing manes are all ridiculous wigs, on James Earl Jones especially. Also, nearly every man in this movie is absolutely hideous
• Wonderful scenery
• Full disclosure, this movie had some pretty serious issues with its treatment of animals, especially with regard to some of the horse stunts. However, I have to mention what might actually be the most memorable moment of the movie for me, when Conan punches a camel in the face and knocks it out. I'm going to give the movie the benefit of the doubt for this scene, as it seems to have been achieved with film editing and convincing sound effects, but it sure did make an impact on me
• Also, another similarly memorable scene that's even more obviously faked, when Conan gets crucified on the Tree of Woe and kills a vulture with just his teeth
• Finally, while watching this movie I did some googling that led to my strongest ever experience of the Mandela Effect, in which I remembered something so vividly that apparently never existed - I remembered that there was a cartoon TV show version of Conan from back when I was a kid, but I could have sworn that it was called Conan the Barbarian, with a theme song that went "Conaaaaan the Barbariaaaaaan". That theme song is the real Mandela Effect here, to the point that anytime I've thought of Conan the Barbarian I've heard that song in my head. But apparently the TV show was called Conan the Adventurer, and that's how the theme song goes, too! The "Conan the Barbarian" lyrics aren't in the movie, I've checked toy commercials and other TV show theme songs, and I just can't find it. Am I crazy? Or am I truly the only one who remembers a deep, triumphant voice singing "Conaaaan the Barbariaaaaan"?! Please, if you feel like you remember this too, let me know!

Up next: I had no idea about this connection before I decided to insert Conan the Barbarian into the list, but it turns out there's a link between Conan and the next movie, which had some script work done by the director of Conan, John Milius. From 1971, it's Dirty Harry

#42: THE TERMINATOR (1984)

THRILL SCALE 1-10

9

HAVE I SEEN IT BEFORE?

Yes, once, a long time ago, I think in high school

BEST SEQUENCE

The whole climax is pretty awesome. I have no issues with Arnold's performance, but when his flesh burns off and the robot skeleton rises from the flames, that's when you know shit's getting real and everything that happens after that is great

BEST LINE

"Come with me if you want to live"

ROTTEN TOMATOES SCORE

100%

ROTTEN TOMATOES CRITICS CONSENSUS

"With its impressive action sequences, taut economic direction, and relentlessly fast pace, it's clear why The Terminator continues to be an influence on sci-fi and action flicks."

IMDB SYNOPSIS

"A cyborg assassin from the future attempts to find and kill a young woman who is destined to give birth to a warrior that will lead a resistance to save humankind from extinction."

DIRECTOR

James Cameron

MAIN CAST

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, Michael Biehn, Paul Winfield, Lance Henriksen

THOUGHTS

• I didn't mention this when I reviewed it, possibly because I didn't realize it, but Terminator 2: Judgment Day is the only sequel on the AFI list (unless you count Goldfinger, and I don't, really; that's more of a franchise entry and less of a direct sequel to anything that came before it). That also means that T1 and T2 are the only example of multiple movies from the same franchise being on the AFI list without me adding them myself
• I don't want to spend the whole review comparing the two movies, so I'll get it out of the way early. I prefer T2, which I gave a 10/10. They are different flavours of movie, though. T2 is more rip-roaring action while The Terminator is more of a sci-fi horror/slasher so, depending on what you're in the mood for or what genre of movie is more likely to thrill you, your mileage may vary for which one you prefer
• When it comes to sequels and franchises I tend to give the edge to the first in a series - usually more novel and original and often more likely to have a lot of the filmmaker's best ideas. In this case, though, part of my enjoyment in watching this movie came from seeing how it enhances the sequel. Linda Hamilton is very good in this as the person being pursued by the Terminator, but it's even better when we know what a total badass she'll later become. Schwarzenegger is fantastic as an unfeeling killing machine in this movie so it's a great subversion when he becomes a good guy. Even my pick for the best line, "Come with me if you want to live" - it's a great line when Kyle Reese says it to Sarah so it's also great when the Terminator says it to Sarah in the sequel to show her that he's there to protect her, not to kill her this time
• Speaking of best lines, runner-up was "You're terminated, fucker." It might seem odd that I'm not choosing probably the best-known line from the movie, "I'll be back," but I also found it kind of odd that that became the iconic line. It comes immediately before Arnold rams a car into a police station, but aside from that it's kind of unimportant as far as lines of dialogue go
• And speaking of cars, loved the car stunts in this movie. You know me, I like a good car stunt
• I liked the special effects a lot, even if they were a little janky at times, let's be honest. The fake Arnold head that was used for the eye surgery scene, for example. In no way was it convincing, but the whole thing was filmed with such sincerity that it still worked for me. Same goes for the robotic Terminator that was used in the climax
• Lots of great action sequences aside from the climax. Also worth mentioning, the shootout in the club and the Terminator's assault on the police station. It was also a very chilling moment when Sarah realizes that only people named Sarah Connor are being targeted by the Terminator's killing spree
• And believe it or not, with that we have seen the last of Arnold Schwarzenegger on the AFI list (although Predator will be coming up in the Readers' Poll movies). I was fully planning on just leaving it at that until I looked up Arnold's filmography while watching The Terminator and realized how early it was in his body of work. Then I saw that The Terminator came right after another movie I'd never seen and I made the call to add one more Schwarzenegger movie before moving on. So...

Up next: Conan the Barbarian from 1982 (but I probably won't bother with its sequel, Conan the Destroyer, even though that one came out only 4 months before The Terminator)