#27-B: STAR WARS: EPISODE V - THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK (1980) - GUEST REVIEW BY HANK

    

Hi everyone, please enjoy this guest review by Hank! - Mark

THRILL SCALE 1-10

9

HAVE I SEEN IT BEFORE?

Yessiree, many times dating back to ye olde VHS days in the 90’s.

BEST SEQUENCE

Luke and Vader duel. Honestly the whole battle for Hoth is also such an amazing opening to a film, but the Luke Vader duel edges it out. While it's pretty tame choreo compared to modern films, it was a massive jump from the first film's weenie lightsaber battles. Vader's commentary throughout the fight is excellent. "Impressive. Most impressive. Obi-Wan has taught you well. You have controlled your fear. Release your anger... Only your hatred can destroy me." "The Force is with you, young Skywalker. But you are not a Jedi yet." I suppose those are honourable mentions for the next category.

BEST LINE(S)

5. “This deal's getting worse all the time.” - Lando Calrissian
I quote this all the time.

4. (see best sequence above) “Impressive… Jedi yet.” - Darth Vader

3. “Do. Or do not. There is no try.” - Yoda 
Inspirational. Better than Nike.

2. “I am your father.” - Darth Vader
Iconic. The lead up to it, the aftermath of it. All of it. If you lived under a rock and didn’t know this was coming it is such a fantastic reveal and makes the entire trilogy better for it.

“Your Tauntaun'll freeze before you reach the first marker.” - Deck Officer
1. “Then I'll see you in hell!” - Han Solo
I just laugh every time I hear it as It always catches me off guard. The delivery is *chefs kiss*. It might not be your favourite… But It’s my favourite, and If you’ve got a problem with that, then I guess I’ll…. SEE YOU IN HELL! MUAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAH!

Side note: Mark claimed "But I was going into Tosche Station to pick up some power converters!" was his least favourite line in A New Hope and I comically think it is one of my favourites. It really helps cement the growth of Luke from being a whiny little brat to being the warrior that saves the Galaxy by the end of the trilogy. The whiny delivery cracks me up. LUL.

WORST LINE

Hard to pin one down. There are some cheesily acted extras lines here and there, but I never really mind those. Probably a line by See-Threepio… He is very whiny and complains a lot. Let's use this one:

“I really don't see how that is going to help. Surrender is a perfectly acceptable alternative in extreme circumstances. The Empire may be gracious enough…” *Leia reaches over and shuts off Threepio, mid-sentence.

Which is actually great 'cause it ends with exactly what we all wanted.

Though in truth the worst line in the movie isn’t a line. It’s just a weird scene that really stops the momentum and doesn’t add anything.

INT. DAGOBAH - TREE CAVE 166

Luke moves into the almost total darkness of the wet and slimy cave. The youth can barely make out the edge of the passage. Holding his lit saber before him, he sees a lizard crawling up the side of the cave and a snake wrapped around the branches of a tree. Luke draws a deep breath, then pushes deeper into the cave. The space widens around him, but he feels that rather than sees it. His sword casts the only light as he peers into the darkness. It is very quiet here.

Then, a loud HISS! Darth Vader appears across the blackness, illuminated by his own just-ignited laser sword. Immediately, he charges Luke, saber held high. He is upon the youth in seconds, but Luke sidesteps perfectly and slashes at Vader with his sword. Vader is decapitated. His helmet-encased head flies from his shoulders as his body disappears into the darkness. The metallic banging of the helmet fills the cave as Vader's head spins and bounces, smashes on the floor, and finally stops. For an instant it rests on the floor, then it cracks vertically. The black helmet and breath mask fall away to reveal... Luke's head.

Across the space, the standing Luke gasps at the sight, wide-eyed in terror. The decapitated head fades away, as in a vision.

What does this add? Nothing. It is the sole reason this movie got a 9/10 instead of a 10/10 on the Thrill Scale.

ROTTEN TOMATOES SCORE

93%

ROTTEN TOMATOES CRITICS CONSENSUS

"Dark, sinister, but ultimately even more involving than A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back defies viewer expectations and takes the series to heightened emotional levels."

IMDB SYNOPSIS

"After the Empire overpowers the Rebel Alliance, Luke Skywalker begins training with Jedi Master Yoda, while Darth Vader and bounty hunter Boba Fett pursue his friends across the galaxy."

DIRECTOR

Irvin Kershner

MAIN CAST

Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Billy Dee Williams, Peter Mayhew, Anthony Daniels, David Prowse, Frank Oz, Kenny Baker

Today I learned: James Earl Jones declined to have his name appear on the credits of both Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope (1977) and Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980), claiming that he felt his contribution wasn't significant enough to warrant a credit and didn’t want to take away from Prowse’s work as a physical actor in the role.

THOUGHTS

• Star Wars. Yeh! Rock on! Like Mark, I’ve seen all but the most recent. I think the IP is fantastic, I love the world, I love the lore, and I think it is a wonderful blend of Space Opera, Spaghetti Western and Samurai films. However, I also think there are only 3 truly great Star Wars films. Many of them are good, most of them are fine, and a few of them are bad. This film is the cream of the crop. The big dawg. Top of the list bangarang film. The number one Star Wars movie ever made, and I’d think you were a liar and a fool if you disagreed with me. If you think Rogue One or Episode IV are better… I’ll allow it… You’re wrong… But I’ll allow it. They are the other two great among greats. The rest is fine. It’s good, it’s fun. And yes I think Episode VI is in the lesser category of good but not great. I’m on a ramble so let's move on.
• What a fantastic iconic score this movie has. I know a lot of it is building off Episode IV but I think they really use it well in this with little themes and bits all throughout and really build from what they had to make an epic feast for the ears.
• The cast is great, Hamill, Fisher and Ford are really starting to come into their own in this one. We’re seeing more rebel soldiers and not just kids. With more nuance and emotion (and better direction, sorry Lucas), the whole cast comes together, not to mention the bonus treat of Billy Dee Wiliams at the end.
• The pacing of this film is outstanding, as with most second films in trilogies it has the benefit of just being able to jump into the action, everyone knows everyone and we are here to rock and/or roll right out the gate. From Hoth to Dagobah to Space Asteroid to Cloud City it just moves, and it moves well. Barring that one scene listed above (Luke face in Vader helmet).
• Hoth is such a perfect opening. Just a fantastic way to open a movie. It has everything: espionage drone, a smooch, a lovers spat, a giant monster getting its arm bloodily removed, a daring rescue, giant robot camels, a full on war, a crazy and creative way to kill the giant robot camels that oft goes wrong, things oft going wrong, space ships blasting off to space, giant boob nipple cannons shooting into space. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT? Are you not entertained? Is this not why you are here?
• Yoda is such a great little weird guy. Love him giving Luke the business for being a whiny boy, but he teaches Luke a lot, and Luke's arms on Dagobah, hot damn, i do believe I have the vapours.
• Cloud City. Poor Lando, he just wanted a deal and he prayed it wouldn’t be altered further, but gosh darn it, they altered it further. Reminiscent of the Death Star escape from the first movie, we’ve got badass Leia getting the heck outta dodge again. This time Luke is the Jedi meeting with Vader and gives a much better showing than old Ben. Just a great finale that keeps the action up to the very end, and tantalizing some juicy storylines to be finished in Episode VI.
• It’s fun to note, when this movie released in theatres May 6, 1980, due to the movie's darker tone and wild finale plot twist it was met with mixed reviews and reception. Star Wars fans have always hated the newest Star War. Just as I hated the prequels so did the next gen hate the threequels, which I’m sure will one day be beloved when the next worst trilogy releases.
• That’s it. I could probably ramble on for much longer, but I shan’t. Instead I will leave you with my definitive ranking of the franchise. I’d be interested if all of Mark’s guest writers plop this into their reviews at the end… But they don’t have to… I guess…

HANK'S STAR WARS MOVIE RANKINGS

• N/A
• The Mandalorian and Grogu
• Not Great Star Wars
  
• 11 Attack of the Clones
• 10 Revenge of the Sith
  
• It’s fun Star Wars
  
• 9 The Phantom Menace
• 8 Solo
• 7 The Rise of Skywalker
• 6 The Last Jedi
  
• Pretty good Star Wars
  
• 5 The Force Awakens
• 4 Return of the Jedi
  
• Amazing Star Wars
  
• 3 Rogue One
• 2 A New Hope
• 1 Empire Strikes Back
  

Thanks for having me Mark! What an honour. I look forward to the rest of the reviews.

Up Next: Well hey there, it's me, Mark, again! Thanks for the review, Hank! Coming up next we'll have another guest reviewer, John, talking about Episode VI - Return of the Jedi

#27: STAR WARS: EPISODE IV - A NEW HOPE (1977)

THRILL SCALE 1-10

9

HAVE I SEEN IT BEFORE?

Yes, several times. The first time I was probably age 10 or so. I'm not entirely sure when the last time was, though. It might have been about 20 years ago

BEST SEQUENCE

I'll go with the trench run and the climactic attack on the Death Star, but there are a lot of good options. Runner-up is probably the Mos Eisley cantina and the introduction of Han Solo (and yes, I choose to believe that Han shot first)

BEST LINE

"Use the Force, Luke"

Close second: "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away..."

WORST LINE

"But I was going into Tosche Station to pick up some power converters!"

- It's not the line that's bad, it's the delivery. I love you, Mark Hamill, but GOD you sound whiny here

ROTTEN TOMATOES SCORE

93%

ROTTEN TOMATOES CRITICS CONSENSUS

"A legendarily expansive and ambitious start to the sci-fi saga, George Lucas opened our eyes to the possibilities of blockbuster filmmaking and things have never been the same."

IMDB SYNOPSIS

"A farmboy joins forces with various allies to save their galaxy from the evil Empire's planet-destroying battle station, while also rescuing the princess leading the rebellion against them."

DIRECTOR

George Lucas

MAIN CAST

Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Alec Guinness, James Earl Jones, David Prowse, Peter Cushing, Anthony Daniels, Kenny Baker, Peter Mayhew

THOUGHTS

• Welcome to Star Wars, everybody! Before we get into the review, I have an announcement. The AFI decided to place only the first Star Wars on the list, which I think is a very sensible choice. However, as we all know, this was just the beginning (despite the first movie eventually becoming Episode IV). The Star Wars franchise has now spanned very close to 50 years, including books, video games, TV shows, comics, and yes, movies. 12 official movies, to be precise, including spin-offs. So what the hell, let's watch them all! We shall now embark on my longest side quest so far, reviewing every live-action theatrical Star Wars release
• I've seen every Star Wars movie except for The Mandalorian and Grogu, and I think they're fun, and fine, but I wouldn't really consider myself a Star Wars fan. If anything, during the rest of my reviews I've kind of come to realize that sci-fi just doesn't always do it for me. With that said, before going into this rewatch, I wasn't really expecting to rate it as highly as I did. But then the movie started, and John Williams' incredible music kicked in, and I have to admit it totally got me! I sat back and just enjoyed the ride
• I love the cast, and they're all completely selling this cheesy, fantastical space opera. The main trio is wonderful, give or take a whiny Luke line delivery (but whatever, it's part of the character). Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia is a total badass, and I absolutely love that she's not just a damsel in distress, she can grab a blaster and kick up some shit with the best of them. And Harrison Ford as Han Solo is unforgettable, an instant star-making performance
• Alec Guinness didn't have a whole lot of respect for Star Wars, calling it "fairy tale rubbish" at times, but I still think he's really quite good as Obi-Wan, and I even think it seemed like he had some fun in the role. We talked about Guinness a long time ago, when I thought he was incredible in The Bridge on the River Kwai, and I really think it's quite impressive that he can put in such good performances in such different movies. I also think it's kind of hilarious that when Obi-Wan went into hiding, he did so by slightly changing his first name to Old Ben, and not even changing his last name (but hey, it's a big galaxy)
• I have to admit, the only character that I actively disliked on this viewing was C-3PO. What an irritating prig. I don't remember having such strongly negative feelings about him before, so maybe he'll grow on me
• Considering where the Star Wars saga goes, I was kind of surprised that Darth Vader didn't make a bigger impression in this movie. He's certainly visually distinctive and stands out in a crowd, and the force choke is an extremely cool early demonstration of the Force, but he's actually a bit of a secondary antagonist in this movie. Remember, it's Grand Moff Tarkin (Peter Cushing) who obliterates Alderaan, not Vader, and I would say that this certainly qualifies as the most evil, villainous, destructive act in the whole movie
• I do love the way this movie sets us up for a big plot twist in the next one, however, including all of Obi-Wan's talk about Darth Vader's past (even if he's using some creative license with the actual events)
• At this stage, it will be pretty impossible to talk about each movie in a vacuum as if the rest of the franchise doesn't exist, so I'm not really going to try. I'm pretty sure that by the time I watched The Empire Strikes Back I knew about the famous plot twist, and the famous line, so I was ready for it. But I can only imagine how hard the Vader reveal would hit if you had no idea about it, especially after all the setup in A New Hope
• George Lucas was a visionary director, one of the most influential of all time. And yet, as we all know, he went a little CGI crazy and decided to touch up his original trilogy, releasing the Special Editions in 1997. Given the nature of streaming these days, the Special Edition was all I had the option of watching. The added CGI is completely unnecessary, and distracting, and I wish it wasn't there. The nice thing is that the later parts of the movie weren't really impacted as far as I could tell, at least not in an obvious way, and there are still a lot of charming, convincing practical effects, but that just makes the silly digital effects stand out all the more. The scene between Han and a CGI Jabba the Hutt is a travesty, though
• Something Han Solo-related that isn't a travesty: when he's on the communicator, trying to convince the Stormtroopers that they don't need to investigate. "Boring conversation, anyway". HILARIOUS
• Star Wars was a box office smash, megahit, genre-defining, era-defining cultural phenomenon. It set the record for the highest-grossing movie of all time, taking the spot from a movie we'll talk about eventually (Jaws), and keeping the title for 5 years until it was beaten by a movie we've talked about before (E.T.). It also won a ton of Oscars, and it was nominated for some big ones as well, including nominations for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Original Screenplay, and Alec Guinness for Best Supporting Actor. With all that said it's crazy to think that at one time it was not a sure thing, and in an alternate reality the first Star Wars movie might have been all we got. It even could have worked pretty well as a one-off. Obviously there was a lot of set up about Darth Vader, and the biggest hanging plot thread is the fact that Vader survives the Death Star attack, but aside from that it was fairly self-contained without too much need for a sequel
• Finally, a couple of points of order. You may have noticed that I added a new category above. George Lucas may have been a visionary director, but his screenwriting has been pretty laughable on occasion. So, with each movie, we'll have not just a best line, but also a worst line. And lastly, this is a big undertaking. And like I mentioned, I'm not even the world's biggest Star Wars fan. So I'm putting out a call. If you've ever wanted to write a guest review, send me a message! I'd love to have you. And speaking of which...

Up next: Our first guest reviewer gets the distinct honour and privilege of reviewing what many consider to be the best Star Wars movie, The Empire Strikes Back. Please look forward to Hank giving us his thoughts next time! And don't worry, he's a much bigger Star Wars fan than I am, so I have no doubt that he'll do it justice

#28: FATAL ATTRACTION (1987)

THRILL SCALE 1-10

9

HAVE I SEEN IT BEFORE?

Yes, once, I can't remember when

BEST SEQUENCE

The ending is somewhat controversial for reasons I'll explain later, but I have to say, it really worked on me, especially when Alex (Glenn Close) appears behind Beth (Anne Archer). "What are you doing here? Why are you here?" gave me chills

BEST LINE

"I'm not gonna be ignored, Dan!"

- It's a simple line, but Glenn Close's delivery is absolutely perfect

ROTTEN TOMATOES SCORE

74%

ROTTEN TOMATOES CRITICS CONSENSUS

"A potboiler in the finest sense, Fatal Attraction is a sultry, juicy thriller that's hard to look away from once it gets going."

IMDB SYNOPSIS

"A married man's one-night stand comes back to haunt him when that lover begins to stalk him and his family."

DIRECTOR

Adrian Lyne

MAIN CAST

Michael Douglas, Glenn Close, Anne Archer, Ellen Hamilton, Stuart Pankin

THOUGHTS

• Considered one of the quintessential erotic thrillers, I was struck by how early and how drastically the movie becomes distinctly unerotic. The sexy part of Dan (Michael Douglas) and Alex's (Glenn Close) affair only lasts for the first 30 minutes or so, before things take a very dramatic turn and the drama and tension only escalate for the rest of the movie. Given the circumstances and the moral transgressions at the heart of the movie, some viewers might not find any parts of the film to be erotic at all
• Similarly, a huge part of the intrigue here is the fact that Dan is entirely complicit and not at all innocent in this situation, so opinions may vary on how much of a victim he was vs. how much of this was justified (although once Alex got to the point of kidnapping Dan's daughter, yeah, that's pretty unjustifiable)
• I was strongly reminded of Cape Fear in the sense that Dan knows Alex is dangerous, he knows his family is at risk, but he can't actually do anything about it legally until Alex commits any sort of crime (at which point it's almost too late)
• I must admit, throughout the whole movie I kept assuming that Alex was lying about being pregnant, mostly just based on preconceived notions and how other, similar movies and stories would have played out. But after reading about the movie after the fact, I think it's safe to say that it's official, she really was pregnant. And honestly, even more so than if she was lying, I think that this does add even more complexity to the story
• I mentioned that the ending was controversial. It was a reshoot after test audiences reacted negatively to the original ending, and several people disagreed with the change, including Glenn Close. Like I said, I did find the new ending to be effective, but I can also acknowledge that it's a little hackneyed in a "standard thriller movie climax" way. I mostly just like it for the performances. The original ending is available on Youtube, however, and you can watch it here (although it won't really mean much to you if you haven't seen the movie)
• Finally, you may be surprised (and I'm a little surprised myself) that I've gone through this whole review without mentioning perhaps its most famous scene, the one involving a pet bunny rabbit. It is a really good scene, and the tension is palpable while Beth approaches what she's about to discover, but for me it's ultimately just one more tense moment in a movie that's full of them

Up next: Well gang, it's a big one, and a movie I've been looking forward to reviewing for a very long time. In the words of Lucille Bluth, "Here's some money, go see a Star War". That's right, from 1977, it's Star Wars, the movie that started it all. Plus, stay tuned for a big announcement next time