#79: THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN (1960)

THRILL SCALE 1-10

7.5 (The Magnificent 7.5)

HAVE I SEEN IT BEFORE?

Nope

BEST SEQUENCE

The climactic shootout is really exciting, as is the scene when the seven first ambush the bad guys

BEST LINE

"Now, to business! I could kill you all. You agree?" [Silence] "Well, you don't disagree!" - Calvera, the bad guy, after he gains the upper hand

ROTTEN TOMATOES SCORE

89%

ROTTEN TOMATOES CRITICS CONSENSUS

"The Magnificent Seven transplants Seven Samurai into the Old West with a terrific cast of Hollywood stars -- and without losing any of the story's thematic richness."

IMDB SYNOPSIS

"Seven gunfighters are hired by Mexican peasants to liberate their village from oppressive bandits."

THOUGHTS

• I'm not well versed in Westerns, but this one was pretty fun. A movie like this gets by on the appeal and charisma of its leads, and if all the leads weren't quite at the same level, the ones who brought it really brought it
• Horst Buccholz played Chico, a young hothead, and his performance was the only one I actively disliked. Too much overacting, and a little too cutesy at times
• Robert Vaughn and Brad Dexter were Lee and Harry Luck, respectively, and they were fine but I found it hard to distinguish between the two characters. I'd also never heard of or seen these actors before, so that's probably a big contributing factor to that
• Charles Bronson and James Coburn, as Bernardo and Britt, had some great moments. Coburn had the best introductory scene - he gets challenged to a duel, Coburn using a throwing knife and the other guy using a gun. I almost picked it for my favourite scene of the movie
• Yul Brynner played Chris, the leader of the seven, and he was such a good lead. Stoic and in control and cool as a cucumber
• And finally, Steve McQueen was Vin, Chris's right-hand man, and he was my favourite. All the best lines, and just as cool as Chris but with a bit more levity. Sounds like McQueen was kind of a dick during filming, though, always trying to draw focus and upstage the other actors. Also, what's with all the neckerchiefs?
• Brynner and McQueen also had a great introductory scene, giving us some good early-movie action and showing us the goodness of their characters in an efficient way
• I also liked Eli Wallach as Calvera, the villain. He may not go down as one of my favourite villains in cinema, but I liked that he was more practical than just evil (aside from the "robbing the villagers" part)
• Lots of overlap between this movie and one of my favourite movies ever, the war movie The Great Escape. I've mentioned it before, and I'll mention it again - it's movie #19 on the list. McQueen, Bronson and Coburn all starred in both movies, and both movies were directed by John Sturges
• It's always fun to see a "getting the gang together" sequence, which constitutes the first 40 minutes or so. And there were some really exciting gunfights towards the end. The middle part drags a bit, but whatcha gonna do
• And finally, what a score! Elmer Bernstein's music will be showing up again, including in the aforementioned Great Escape, and his music for The Magnificent Seven is iconic. You probably recognize it even if you don't realize you do. Give it a listen.
• 
  

Up Next: Supplementing the list with another movie I haven't seen, Akira Kurosawa's Seven Samurai, which The Magnificent Seven was based on

#80: REBECCA (1940)

THRILL SCALE 1-10

7

HAVE I SEEN IT BEFORE?

Never, and I knew nothing about the plot

BEST SEQUENCE

The scene in the beachside cottage between Maxim and the second Mrs. de Winter when they have a frank discussion about Rebecca

BEST LINE

"What was Rebecca really like?"

"I suppose she was the most beautiful creature I ever saw"

ROTTEN TOMATOES SCORE

99%

ROTTEN TOMATOES CRITICS CONSENSUS

"Hitchcock's first American film (and his only Best Picture winner), Rebecca is a masterpiece of haunting atmosphere, Gothic thrills, and gripping suspense."

IMDB SYNOPSIS

"A self-conscious woman juggles adjusting to her new role as an aristocrat's wife and avoiding being intimidated by his first wife's spectral presence."

THOUGHTS

• As has happened a few times now, the full movie is available on Youtube. It's quite good, I definitely recommend it, so you might want to watch it before reading this review (although I won't spoil anything). Here's the link
• The main character is not Rebecca. Rebecca was the first wife of the aristocratic Maxim de Winter. The main character, instead, is Maxim's second wife, and her name is never even provided to us. This lines up perfectly with the main thrust of the movie - the second Mrs. de Winter fears that she can never hope to live up to the glamorous and beautiful Rebecca, whose presence lingers throughout Manderley, the mansion where they live
• But despite the IMDB synopsis above, there's nothing supernatural about this movie - Rebecca's belongings remain in the mansion, and the memories of her remain firm in peoples' minds, but this isn't a ghost story. It does have the trappings of one, though. I kept wondering if something more otherworldly was about to occur
• It's a bit of a slow burn, but an effective one, and things really pick up towards the end
• Laurence Olivier played Maxim in this, and he's quite good. Charismatic yet aloof, and really kind of a jerk. He proposes to the second Mrs. de Winter by saying, "I'm asking you to marry me, you little fool." Olivier will appear in a couple more movies on this list, Spartacus and Marathon Man, and maybe others that I'm not aware of
• This is a bit of a milestone movie for us, as it's the first appearance of Alfred Hitchcock, the most represented director on the AFI list. Including Rebecca, the list has nine of his movies. It's a good Hitchcock movie, just not as thrilling as some of his others, so I have no problem with this placement
• Based on the novel Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier. I never read the book and I didn't know anything about the plot, so I was happy to be surprised by the movie. Another interesting connection between Hitchcock and du Maurier, she wrote a short story called The Birds, which Hitchcock loosely adapted into the movie of the same name. The AFI holds The Birds in high regard, placing it at #7. Hot take alert, I only saw The Birds once, and I don't remember thinking much of it
• Finally, Netflix released a remake of this story in 2020. I didn't see it, but it seems like the general consensus was that it wasn't great and didn't have much reason for being since the 1940 version already existed. Especially since it's so easy to watch on Youtube, whether you saw the Netflix movie or not, give this one a try!

Up next: The Magnificent Seven from 1960, the first Western movie on the list

READERS' CHOICE #41-B: AUDITION (1999)

THRILL SCALE 1-10

10

HAVE I SEEN IT BEFORE?

Yes, a few years ago

BEST SEQUENCE

After the titular audition, when we see Aoyama call Asami to express his interest in continuing their courtship, and we watch Asami's smile light up her face with joy

BEST LINE

"You guys auditioned many girls and you didn't pick me but you called me afterward. You just wanted to have sex with me. All guys are the same.” - Asami, justifiably upset and effectively expressing her feelings of betrayal in a way that's hard to argue

ROTTEN TOMATOES SCORE

83%

ROTTEN TOMATOES CRITICS CONSENSUS

"Great chemistry between the leads made this a warm and charming delight"

IMDB SYNOPSIS

"A widower takes an offer to screen girls at a special audition, arranged for him by a friend to find him a new wife."

THOUGHTS

• We've had so many dark and grim thrillers and horror movies so far, it's nice to lighten things up with a rom-com, no?
• In the vein of classics like 10 Things I Hate About You and She's All That, we're watching a movie about a relationship which was built on deceit. The main character, Aoyama, has been widowed and mostly single for seven years. Partly at the urging of his teenaged son, he decides it's time to get back out there, but he's a little stumped about the best way to find the right woman for him. Enter his film producer friend, Yoshikawa, who has what they consider to be a pretty good idea: they'll invite a variety of women to audition for a movie, a movie that the men know will never be made, and that way Aoyama will meet many different women and eventually take his pick; somewhat of a one-sided speed dating concept
• And through this, he meets Asami. Soft-spoken and demure, always wearing white, and with a lovely sing-song voice. Aoyama falls for her, but just like every relationship, theirs is not without conflict
• We eventually realize that Asami is still very close to her ex, a potential cause for concern, but which isn't actually a factor in the climactic quarrel between Aoyama and Asami. This culminating scene was almost my pick for the best sequence, and I certainly wouldn't argue with that. What's important about this part of the movie is that it shows us there's more to a relationship than just what one sees on the surface. Sometimes you need to go deeper. Deeper, deeper, deeper
• If you haven't seen Audition and you plan on watching it based solely on my recommendation, please either message me or comment on this post beforehand. I just want to make sure it's not too romantic for you
• Oh, and I have just been informed that some wires must have gotten crossed somewhere; somehow, the Rotten Tomatoes Critics Consensus written above was for the wrong movie! I inadvertently put the Critics Consensus for the Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan classic You've Got Mail. Oh well, too late to change it now. Just call me Mr. Butterfingers!

Up next: OK, now it's time to get back into the American Film Institute's list! It's movie #80, Alfred Hitchcock's Rebecca, and the first of nine Hitchcock movies which we'll be watching

READERS' CHOICE #41: ICHI THE KILLER (2001)

TW: Extreme violence, sexual violence and torture 

THRILL SCALE 1-10

8.5

HAVE I SEEN IT BEFORE?

Nope

BEST SEQUENCE

The torture/interrogation scene in which Kakihara suspends his victim from the ceiling with metal hooks pierced through the skin of his back and his legs, sticks needles through his cheeks and jaw, and finally pours boiling hot oil on his back

BEST LINE

"There's no love in your violence"

ROTTEN TOMATOES SCORE

64%

ROTTEN TOMATOES CRITICS CONSENSUS

"Ichi The Killer is a thoroughly shocking gorefest that will surely entertain those with strong stomachs and a penchant for brutal violence."

IMDB SYNOPSIS

"As sadomasochistic yakuza enforcer Kakihara searches for his missing boss he comes across Ichi, a repressed and psychotic killer who may be able to inflict levels of pain that Kakihara has only dreamed of achieving."

THOUGHTS

• Usually when I say "this movie isn't for everybody," I mean it as a suggestion. In this case I mean it as a warning. This movie is not for everybody. Honestly, this movie review may not be for everybody
• Ultimately I think I enjoyed this movie; at the very least, it definitely had an impact on me and it's not one I'll be forgetting anytime soon. The extremity of the violence in this movie is, frankly, ludicrous, and that's without even mentioning the amount of violent scenes the movie contains. If I had to estimate, I'd say there are at least a good 4-5 scenes and sequences in this film that count amongst the most violent, gory and disturbing content I've ever seen
• I wasn't totally sure where I wanted to place this next statement, but I think I want to make it known early: there are depictions of violence against women in this movie that I found appalling. I hope the trigger warning helped people avoid reading about this unnecessarily, and I'm not going to get too detailed, but the majority of the violence against women is unflinchingly brutal, and realistic in a way that I don't think is depicted quite the same as in many of the other scenes. I haven't read into the director Takashi Miike's intentions behind this, if there even are any deeper intentions, but without any further context, these scenes diminished my opinion of the movie a fair amount. I do want to talk about the rest of the movie without seeming like I'm sweeping anything under the rug, but I'll just say one more time, the scenes in which women were the victims of men's violence cast a shadow over the rest of the film, and they were deplorable in a way that I can't be entirely sure was the director's intention
• Outside of the previous note, the depictions of violence ran quite a gamut. There were scenes which looked cartoony and almost silly, like when a guy gets sliced right down the middle, vertically, and the left side and the right side of his body part ways. There were scenes which aimed for hyperrealism, like when we get a closeup of Kakihara, the main character, severing at least an inch off of the tip of his own tongue. And then, there were scenes which occupied a surreal middle ground. For example, there's a scene in which Kakihara decides he's going to pull a man's face off. He just grabs a cheek, throws him to the floor, and puts his back into it, even using his feet on the guy's head for added force. Almost all of the violence is remarkably convincing, even the scenes which are intentionally ridiculous; you know these terrible things aren't actually happening to these actors, but damn, it sure looks like it sometimes
• However, when a movie dials everything up to 11 like this, for the entire runtime with nary a chance to breathe, it may sound counterintuitive but even the ultra-violence eventually gets somewhat mundane. And outside of the shocking visuals, I actually found the plot a little hard to follow; therefore, by the end of the movie, when I was a bit worn out by 2 hours of extremes, my attention started to flag
• Certainly a unique movie, and I saw things I'd never seen before, never imagined I'd see, and will probably never see again. I was able to handle it, but I'm honestly not going to recommend it unless your interest was piqued
• Oh yeah, and one more thing, THE BLOND GUY ISN'T ICHI?! I hadn't seen this movie before, but I had seen pictures, I'd seen posters, I may even have seen trailers, and I was absolutely convinced that the blond man with facial scars and piercings had to be the titular Ichi the Killer. Nope. While said blond man was (who I'd consider) the main character, Kakihara, he sure wasn't Ichi. I was so firm in my assumptions, though, that this discrepancy even caused me some plot confusion early on

Up next: It's been a while since I've added a supplementary movie to the list. So, while it may be cheating a little to add a movie of my own to the Readers' Choice picks, this seems like a good chance to shoehorn in Audition, a previous movie by the same director Takashi Miike, and a movie that I must implore you to watch with as little prior knowledge as possible

READERS' CHOICE #42: UNCUT GEMS (2019)

THRILL SCALE 1-10

7

HAVE I SEEN IT BEFORE?

Yes, a couple years ago. I liked it a lot the first time, and I think I liked it even more this time

BEST SEQUENCE

When Howard watches the final, climactic basketball game on TV. A guy watching a televised basketball game might not sound like the most thrilling thing, but if you've seen the movie you know why it's actually pretty exciting

BEST LINE

“You know what, Howard? I think you are the most annoying person I have ever met. I hate being with you, I hate looking at you, and if I had my way, I would never see you again.” - Howard's wife, rebuffing Howard after he tries to salvage their soon-to-be-ended marriage (and to be clear, the only reason Howard tried to salvage the marriage was because he had recently broken up with his much younger girlfriend, after believing that she was cheating on him with The Weeknd; also, to be clear, The Weeknd is in this movie, as himself!)

ROTTEN TOMATOES SCORE

92%

ROTTEN TOMATOES CRITICS CONSENSUS

"Uncut Gems reaffirms the Safdies as masters of anxiety-inducing cinema -- and proves Adam Sandler remains a formidable dramatic actor when given the right material."

IMDB SYNOPSIS

"With his debts mounting and angry collectors closing in, a fast-talking New York City jeweler risks everything in hope of staying afloat and alive."

THOUGHTS

• In a way, on this viewing I saw Uncut Gems as kind of an interesting companion piece to Nightcrawler, which I reviewed just a few movies ago. Nightcrawler was about Lou Bloom, an unnerving and unfeeling sociopath. Jake Gyllenhaal gave him very few characteristics which could be considered charming, and yet, I kinda liked the guy, while definitely not ever wanting to meet someone like him in real life. Adam Sandler's character in Uncut Gems, Howard Ratner, is nowhere near as cruel or dangerous as Lou Bloom (well, not dangerous to anyone but himself, anyway), but he is tremendously obnoxious. Abrasive and vulgar, self-aggrandizing and yet pathetically self-pitying, he truly is one of the most annoying film characters I can think of. And yet! I kinda like the guy. The whole movie depicts a series of misfortunes falling on Howard's head, most of them resulting from the bad decisions made by Howard himself, but I still wanted to see him come out on top. And at this point I do want to acknowledge that gambling addiction is a mental disorder, so while it can't be denied that the choices Howard makes are bad ones, there's only so much judgement one should pass
• Of all the vices in the world, gambling is one that never got its hooks in me, particularly sports gambling. And while the compulsion can be terribly destructive, this movie kind of made me understand why it's so thrilling and addictive for some. Like I mentioned above, during the climactic scene you definitely feel the tension in watching this basketball game play out
• And speaking of basketball, I know very little about it, and I know even less about Kevin Garnett, specifically. He plays himself in this movie, though, and he's a pretty good actor! He doesn't have a whole lot of heavy lifting to do, but he's convincing and has good screen presence
• As I mentioned before when I reviewed 12 Angry Men, usually my Thrill Score roughly lines up with my general approval for a movie, but there are times when I think a movie as a whole is of higher quality than just whatever number I assign to say how thrilling it was. Uncut Gems has often been praised as tense and anxiety inducing, but I didn't really find myself feeling all that anxious while watching it, even though I could recognize what aspects of the movie might inspire anxiety in other viewers. So, while for me it's not one of the most thrilling movies I've reviewed, I do think it's pretty high up just in terms of being a good movie, and I'd definitely recommend it for anyone who hasn't seen it yet

Up next: Another new movie for me, Ichi the Killer. Also the last readers' choice movie from this group of 10, after which we'll be diving back into the American Film Institute's list!

READERS' CHOICE #43: ONG-BAK: THE THAI WARRIOR (2003)

THRILL SCALE 1-10

7

HAVE I SEEN IT BEFORE?

Nope, first time

BEST SEQUENCE

Our hero, Ting, gets chased through Bangkok alleys by a gang of hoodlums, and the ways in which he evades capture just get more and more impressive

BEST LINE

"Now hand over Ong-Bak! Motherfucker!"

ROTTEN TOMATOES SCORE

85%

ROTTEN TOMATOES CRITICS CONSENSUS

"While Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior may be no great shakes as a movie, critics are hailing the emergence of a new star in Tony Jaa, whose athletic performance is drawing comparisons with Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, and Jet Li"

IMDB SYNOPSIS

"When the head of a statue sacred to a village is stolen, a young martial artist goes to the big city and finds himself taking on the underworld to retrieve it."

THOUGHTS

• There's a purity of focus to this movie that I can appreciate, even while it means that it doesn't entirely resonate with me as a movie-watching experience. The plot is entirely inconsequential - a good fighter must retrieve something that is important to him, and he does so by fighting. The movie exists to string together scenes of Tony Jaa being remarkably skilled and athletic, and in this regard, it succeeds. He's pretty incredible to watch, especially knowing it's all really him
• But this movie is not going to stick with me, and I don't believe I'll ever get the urge to watch it again all the way through. I've seen the sights. I've appreciated the stunts. If I ever want to appreciate the stunts again, I'll probably just find some clips on Youtube (and to be fair, that wasn't actually an option when this movie was released in 2003)
• And with that said, basically this review is going to devolve into a list of cool things that happened! Which is also an accurate summary of the movie
• So, firstly, my pick for best sequence consists of our hero, Ting, and the movie's comic relief character, George, being chased by a gang of toughs. Ting fully hurdles over people, tables, sharp gardening implements, and frigging cars. Ting also jumps through a small circle of barbed wire and cartwheels between two narrow panes of glass, and I realize that me typing this out probably isn't doing much for you, so just go watch it. George, on the other hand, splits his pants. George's part of this chase scene, however, does contain my other favourite line of the movie, and the only line that made me laugh out loud. George gets cornered by the toughs who are pursuing him, he backs up against a butcher's cart, and grabs a big old knife. The toughs look defeated; George has won! Suddenly an elderly vendor walks by, declaring, "Knives for sale! Knives for sale!" Cut to George now being pursued by knife-wielding toughs
• I liked the sequence in which Ting has to fight three different guys in quick succession in an underground fighting club. Each fight is pretty cool, and I really liked the third fighter's strategy of just breaking a bunch of shit on Ting: a bottle; a chair; a table; a vase; a neon sign; and finally, yes, a refrigerator. I'm not joking
• There was a big tuk-tuk chase scene. There were some cool stunts, but let's be honest, The Fast and the Furious it wasn't
• Ting kicks a guy while his legs are on fire (Ting's legs, not the guy's)
• Some pretty gnarly broken limbs in the climactic fight scene, and the saw attack is pretty visceral
• And that's Ong-Bak! Good night, everybody!

Up next: With absolute certainty, I can say that this will be Adam Sandler's only appearance on this list. It's Little Nicky! (Just kidding, it's Uncut Gems; I've seen it before and it's great!)

READERS' CHOICE #44: INDEPENDENCE DAY (1996)

THRILL SCALE 1-10

6.5

HAVE I SEEN IT BEFORE?

Yes, once before, but not when it came out. My first viewing was in 2021

BEST SEQUENCE

The aliens' first coordinated attack on the world's major cities, including the destruction of the Empire State Building and the White House

BEST LINE

"Welcome to Earth"

ROTTEN TOMATOES SCORE

67%

ROTTEN TOMATOES CRITICS CONSENSUS

"The plot is thin and so is character development, but as a thrilling, spectacle-filled summer movie, Independence Day delivers."

IMDB SYNOPSIS

"The aliens are coming and their goal is to invade and destroy Earth. Fighting superior technology, mankind's best weapon is the will to survive."

THOUGHTS

• Jesus Christ, this is one silly-ass movie
• OK, put down your knives. I know I'm going to get a lot of flak for this one
• For people of a certain age (the "gee, I wish my back didn't hurt all the time" age), I have no issue with the idea that this would have been a seminal movie-going experience, or even just a seminal movie-watching experience. When the movie was released in 1996 I was 9, and more to the point, I was also a snivelling wimp who was too scared to watch it. If I had seen this movie in the theatre when it came out, while watching it again today I'm sure nostalgia would be doing a lot of the heavy lifting
• Instead, last summer on July 15th (missed opportunity, I know), I settled down on my orthopedic pillow and watched Independence Day for the first time, and it was extremely adequate. Upon rewatch, I feel the same
• You know me, I love my practical special effects, and that's a huge point in this movie's favour compared to today's blockbusters. As singled out above, I can't deny the impact of seeing world-famous landmarks completely obliterated. The explosions are big and real, the scenes of pandemonium are clearly real people and not just CGI crowds, and the aliens, which look pretty goofy, at least look goofy in a physical, tangible way
• One part that wasn't goofy, though, was the Area 51 dissection scene and ensuing attack. Legitimately creepy
• I did also love all the shots of spaceships hovering over cities. Amazing sense of scale
• Aerial combat in movies generally doesn't really do much for me. A bunch of shots of pilots in the cockpit cracking wise. I've never seen Top Gun, would that be considered the pinnacle of the form?
• And speaking of cracking wise, a lot of very '90s wisecracks in this movie, and basically none of them landed. "Welcome to Earth" is a pretty good line, though
• A big, sprawling cast of characters. Lots of charisma from Will Smith, Bill Pullman and Jeff Goldblum (is this Goldblum at his sexiest? Or would we go with Jurassic Park?). Despite his hero moment at the end, though, I really didn't need Randy Quaid in this movie. RIP, characters played by Harvey Fierstein and Harry Connick, Jr. (who, oddly enough, got the "and Harry Connick, Jr." treatment in the credits. What a time that was to be alive)
• I will say, this is miles better than The Day the Earth Stood Still, which actually made a cameo appearance in this movie. Randy Quaid's kids were watching it on TV very early on
• According to Wikipedia, the Will Smith role was originally offered to Ethan Hawke, but he turned it down because "he thought the script was terrible". You and me both, Ethan, you and me both
• To everyone who voted for this movie, I thank you. To everyone who loves this movie, your opinion is also valid. To everyone who thinks I was being too hard on it, I leave you with two words: computer virus. If you need me, Ethan and I will be reassuring each other and awaiting your hate mail

Up next: Ong-Bak, the martial arts film from 2003, and the first of the readers' choice movies which is completely new to me!